i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize