Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
