That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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