i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
