the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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