Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
