My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
