just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
