in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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