just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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