in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
