The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
