He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
