Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
