dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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