I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize