if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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