Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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