She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
