you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
