Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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