I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
