Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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