i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
