I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
