he wants to bone in the snuggie
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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