I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize