Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm at about main and main street
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
