It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
