dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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