Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
