It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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