I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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