will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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