He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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