forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
