That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
