it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so let's talk penis.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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