Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
