I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
