Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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