I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Bring me that man meat
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
