All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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