The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
