i need an iv and a liver transplant
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
