I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
