ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Ketchup is God's man juice
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
