I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
