I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The power of my boobs compel you
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
