so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
