Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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