How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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