my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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