It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
