Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
