Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
