he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize