I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Say something about gay babies.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
