____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
