I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
