What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
