wrigley field is MILF paradise
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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