JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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