erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This is classic penis vs brain.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
