i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Randomize
