somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
