Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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