hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
