Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
