where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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