thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
