Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize