I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
