Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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