OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
